Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Keeping up with it all...

It was another early morning - 4:30am to be exact. Consider it an act of desperation, as that's about the only quiet time I can find around here lately. I had some things on my mind and needed to focus, minus the usual interruptions of daily life. No luck this particular morning, though, as I must have been thinking too loud -> Grandmother woke just after 5am.

To catch you up, she's 92 and I moved here about 18 months ago to live with her. Sometimes I step back, take a look at my lifestyle, and say "you are NUTS!". It's not logical to try to raise two kids on my own, take care of an elderly person with a whole different set of needs, AND run a business full-time. I mean, who did I think I was?!

However, we all seem to be getting by just fine... so all is well. I've had to take a few extra measures to preserve my sanity lately - such as hiring a housekeeper for half a day each week, sleeping an extra hour each night, and enlisting the help of Home Health nurses. I am not able to leave Grandmother at all, not even for a quick trip to the grocery store, so I also need to hire someone to come and sit with her a few hours at a time a couple of times a week. Easier said than done around here, I've already found - but I keep looking. It would be good for me to be able to take the children out once a week, too - I know we all miss that. The demands on me are pretty steep, and I'm starting to feel the effect of it all.

Fortunately, business is good, so I'm in a position to afford more help. It's either that, or let business slack... and I'm not willing to compromise financial security as a single mother. I dont have extended family to rely on, nor do I receive child support... so it's up to me to work hard, but more importantly: to work smart ;)

At the moment I have bronchitis, and am really struggling to stay on top of everything. Meals, outings, the children's schedule, dentist & doctor appointments, dressing Grandmother's wounds, housekeeping, the stupid cat, watering the plants & mowing the yard, you name it! :p Coming up is Labor Day weekend, and they will all turn to me for the plans - not to mention that Monday is my daughter's 8th birthday, and she wants a big party this year... and I'm ready to collapse! (Yes, I need to rest, drink OJ, see a Dr - but dont 'comment' it unless you're willing to come 'zoo-sit' while I do those things! LOL :-p)

It hasnt always been this way, of course. I left a beautiful and peaceful view from a lakeside cabin to move here. Back then, I homeschooled the kids, walked three miles every morning, and would swim laps for a good hour every afternoon. The rest of the time I worked or we played, and life was pretty balanced. Instead of looking back on that and missing it, I focus on looking forward and planning for more of the same in the future. Life is full of phases, one after the other, some are better than others. But none are permanent. Right now, life is keeping me on my toes and testing my limits - but for a good purpose, I feel sure.

In the midst of it all, my work is what keeps me going. A sense of accomplishment, pride, me at my best. Not to say that I am not a good mother, and extremely proud of my two cool kids... or that my lifestyle is anything less than what I have chosen or created for myself - - but sometimes, when it all gets overwhelming, retreating to a quiet office and funneling a few hundred (or few thousand!) bucks into my bank account with a few clicks here and there... well, it REFUELS me ;)

Ya know, there's a new show out - "wife swap", I think it's called. I dont watch much TV, but apparently it's a reality show where they swap two wives for a week to see how they do. I believe the first episode involves a very wealthy woman who spends $4,000/week shopping - and they are swapping her out with a mother of 3 children that works in a garment factory for around $30k/year. Heh. They should ask John Reese to swap places with me for one week :-D hahahaha - Talk about REALITY! He'd have to replace that photo of him at the 'halfway mark' to one of him at the 'halfway house'. What do you say, John? You seem like a guy who's always up for a good challenge ;)